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Writer's pictureJake Provance

If I Were Satan

If I were satan…


I’d campaign around the world with the slogan “do what you feel, act like you want.” I’d corrupt the world not to just accept sin, but to be considered hateful if you aren’t giving preferential treatment to those who do it. I’d make science their God, and truth a myth. I’d get the media to fan the flames of hatred across the globe for ratings. I’d make it ok to have a different opinion, belief, or ideal as long as you’re not a Christian. Christians are judgmental, hypocritical, and uneducated.

I’d go after entertainment, I would give the attention of the world to those who spent their lives working on their

talent instead of their character. I’d make rebellion of decency heroic, filling books with vulgarity and movies with lust. I’d make sure the innocence of the youth would be corrupted by it.

I’d go after the worlds money, I’d make the poor angry and waste their life in pursuit of money that they think promises them security, peace, and joy. I’d make

the rich depressed, because they have the money and know that it can do none of those things. I’d trap the wealth of the world in search of happiness and joy with their heart fixed on money instead of the only one who could give them what they are searching for, God.


I’d medicate the world into dependency, I’d make higher education about friends and alcohol. I’d convince people to pursue jobs that have the most money attached to them instead of chasing their passion.

I’d use addictions to liquefy their lives, slowly melting their relationships,

finances, health, and quality of life. I’d isolate them, leaving them alone in their  depravity.

I’d control people by their tongue, I’d make it cool to use profanity, I’d make it weird to speak with faith. I’d get people to hate their leaders for their flaws instead of praying for them.

I would get Christians to focus on the “personal sacrifice” that they would have to endure to live a life close to God. I’d fill their minds with doubt and unbelief and call it “reality.” I’d make Christianity their

religion, not a relationship. I’d make praying and reading the bible a chore. I would make them focus on their performance instead of what Jesus already did for them. I’d make them focus their studies and efforts on being good instead of being His. I’d make them focus more on what they are praying for and less about whom they are praying too.

If I can’t use the allotted time they have on this earth for my purposes, then I’d find out what their weak points were, and exploit them. I would trap them in a cycle of sin that gradually wears away at their hope, faith, and confidence, and if that didn’t work then I’d be content with wasting their life with distractions. I would fill the first half of people’s lives with noise, flooding their 5 senses so they can’t hear what’s going on inside.

 I’d fill the second half of their life with silence, using wasted time and regrets to discourage them. I’d get them to focus on their aches and pains, on their inability to do what they once could, I’d make sure that the people who once looked up to them now have no time for them. They will be “outdated” as the young replace and disregard them. And to those who are already too close to God, I wouldn’t get in front of them, instead these require a different approach. I’d get behind them and cheer them on. I’d make sure they heard their peer’s praise at how great “they” were. I’d get them feeling good about themselves. And in that moment, I would gently nudge them off course. Instead of discouraging them into depravity, I would encourage them into their demise. They would find themselves going in their own strength, stressed, worn thin, with peace and joy draining from their lives. I’d run them into the ground, and get them to blame God for it.

As for the churches, I would get them to fight against one another. A united body of Christ is a scary thought indeed. I’d create different denominations and different sects within those denominations. I’d get the divided body to become territorial, to corrupt their vision into seeing other churches and denominations as threats to their flock, instead of allies against me. I would turn the church to the world as their business model. I would gradually get them to replace hearing from God with innovation and community. Though community of believers could be a detriment to my cause, that’s only when the community has God fueling their passions instead of each other.  I would create a hierarchy within the body of Christ all about their status, wealth, and influence.

In short I’d do exactly what he is already doing.

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